Candy Kills
by Kirbacious
Summary: FutureFic. Roger talks to his son about the dangerous contents of candy bar wrappers. Inspired by "Light My Candle".


**Candy Kills**

**Story Summary:** FutureFic. Roger talks to his son about the dangerous contents of "candy bar wrappers".

**Genre:** Humor/Family

**Focus:** A line in "Light My Candle" expanded to be a cute Roger/Mimi family moment.

**Rating:** T. It's RENT, what else would I choose as the rating?

**Author's Starting Notes:** Okay, so, I blame this on Apple™ and airplanes. I was bored on a flight and turned on an Apple ipod to listen to it. Soon I was listening to "Light My Candle" and I heard the stupid, "_just a candy bar wrapper"_, line that Roger said. Instantly, I had this stupid idea. I wrote it down and I later went back to it - if two days counts as later - and wrote it down and here it is for your approval! It's not my best work, but the ending is funny. Enjoy.

**Time Stamp:** July 17th, 2008.

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**Oneshot:**

There's a point in every person's life when they try to bring forth a very vital point to someone else. Whether they're trying to make someone see the error of his or her ways, or trying to prevent the biggest mistake in the world from happening, it's still something worth remembering. There were a few days in Roger Davis' life that he would never forget. There was the day he was diagnosed to be HIV positive, the day his first love died, the day he met his true love, and the day he tried to talk to his seven-year-old son about drugs.

It was the middle of summer of the year 2000. Roger Davis was at home with his wife of nine years, Mimi, and his son, Noah. There wasn't really much to do that didn't require getting mauled by the hoards of New Yorkers outside, which led to the family of three calling over two friends to keep them company. Whilst the men waited for Maureen and Joanne to make their grand appearance, they managed to lose the remote, get kicked out of the kitchen, and cover the female in the group in flour. After which they were told to sit down in the living room and just breathe. Noah had other plans.

"Daddy, why is uncle Collins always alone?" Noah asked

"Because he likes it that way," Roger replied

"Daddy, why does uncle Mark keep bringing over home videos?" Noah inquired

"He's a filmmaker, Noah. Making videos is what he does," Roger said

"Oh, okay. Daddy, why do I have to go to school?" Noah asked

"To get smart so you don't end up like me," Roger answered hoping it'd be the last question of the day.

"Why wouldn't I want to be like you? You're the best!" Noah said, Roger chuckled

"I may be now, but in the past, your old man wasn't exactly the neighborhood hero," Roger said

"If you weren't a hero, how did Mommy fall in love with you?" Noah asked

"You'd probably have to ask her that," Roger said. After over ten years of knowing Mimi Davis, he still had no idea how she had managed fall for a bad singing, wanna be rockstar life himself. However, he wouldn't question it himself.

"MOMMY!!" Noah yelled leaping from his seat, "Mommy! I got a question!"

Mimi quickly rushed into the room flour still lightly in her hair from the boys' doings.

"Yes, Noah?" Mimi said

"Mommy, how did you fall for Daddy?" Noah asked, Mimi breathed a sigh of relief hearing his question. She had imagined much worse.

"That all? Well, I'm thinking it started when I first met him," Mimi said

"How that happen?" the boy asked

"I had been going to my apartment when I saw your father coming down from the roof of the building. I instantly decided to speak with him just to get to know him of course," Mimi said

"And she did this under the false pretenses of saying her candle had burnt out," Roger said

"Then he tried to kick me out," Mimi said

"Daddy!" Noah gasped, "How could you kick Mommy out?"

"I didn't know her then, Noah. Besides, she came right back inside," Roger said giving Mimi a mock angry glare

"Why?" Noah asked

"Because she dropped her sta-candy bar wrapper," Roger said

"You came back for a wrapper," Noah said confusedly looking at his mother

"No, I wanted the, um, _candy_, not the wrapper," Mimi said

"What was so special about the candy? Was it a chocolate bar?" Noah asked

"More like a pixie stick in a bag," Roger said lightly, Mimi gave him a look and he instantly shut up.

"I'm going to go finish the pie. You," Mimi looked to Noah, "calm down, and _you_," she threw a glance towards her husband, "shut up,"

"Ooh, Mommy said 'shut up'," Noah sang as Mimi walked away

"Look, son, I'm going to talk to you about something very important. This may be my only opportunity to give you some words of advice out of my own wisdom," Roger said, Noah raised an eyebrow skeptically, "Son, dr-_candy_ is bad. Candy is very, very bad. It's bad for your health. It messes up your organs, and screws up your mind, and ruins people's lives,"

"It does all that?" Noah asked worriedly, Roger nodded

"Yes. In fact, it's had a big toll on this family particularly. Because of it, I couldn't be a rockstar. I was always so 'sugar high' from pixie sticks and stuff. I befriended the wrong person, and then that person got a little crazy after some bad… candy, and left. Forever. It's so bad it almost left me loveless and your mother… dead," Roger said, Noah gasped, "It's true, Noah. Candy kills,"

"Then I'm never eating candy again!" Noah insisted loudly, Roger smiled momentarily forgetting how stupid of a thing that was to tell a child.

The doorbell rang as the two family friends finally arrived. Mimi walked back into the living room a few minutes later with Maureen and Joanne hot on her trail. The moment he saw her, Noah ran over and hugged his mom tightly. He kept saying repeatedly how he loved her and would never, ever eat candy again. Mimi was confused to say the least.

"Honey, what's going on?" Mimi asked

"Don't you know? Candy kills, Mommy. It _kills_!" Noah said loudly burying his head back into the side of her leg. Mimi's eyes narrowed as they came across her husband who was looking mighty sheepish.

"Now, Mimi, I know this may look bad, but-" Roger began walking closer

"_Look_ bad? Roger, he's scared to eat candy. What did you say?" she demanded

"I might have told him that candy kills people and that it almost killed you," Roger said

"Why the hell would you say that?" Mimi roared

"Ha, candy bar wrappers," he said weakly.

Mimi shook her head at him.

Maureen, still the same as she had always been, could easily see the humor in this development. In an instant, she was digging in her purse for some kind of sweets. Upon finding a small container of mints, she handed them to Noah offering him all of them. The boy looked conflicted as he stared at the Ice Breaker Flavored Mints in his hands. Did he eat them or not?

"Daddy, are mints candy?" Noah asked praying his father would say no.

Not missing the opportunity to continue his lecture, Roger responded by saying, "Yes. It's kind of like gateway candy. Gets you eating more and more,"

Mimi rolled her eyes lowering herself to Noah's level.

"Baby, don't listen to your father. The only thing candy kills is an appetite," Mimi said

"But Daddy said-"

"I know, but Daddy's just joking. Weren't you, Roger?"

If looks could kill, the look Mimi gave Roger would have had him joining Angel in a heartbeat. He quickly nodded assuring Noah it was fine. Within seconds, the boy was ripping open the mints to devour them.

"Candy kills?" Joanne asked a few minutes later

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Roger said with a shrug

"From now on, let's forget those good ideas, okay?" Mimi said. He nodded and move to give her an apologetic kiss. She halted him.

"Nu-uh, Hawaii is bad too, honey," Mimi reasoned

"Hawaii?" Roger repeated

"Oh, yeah, leads to way too many leis," she answered

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(cue drums and symbols) Thanks all for reading. Please review.

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© RandomShizGirl. 2008.


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